Chapter 2- Dawei

Warnings: sex mention, death mention, family abuse mention.)

This is the second chapter. Copy rights go to Hu Jiiajia


My mom is visiting and currently cleaning our townhouse. She does this because my father asks her to. Even though his requests are from the other side of the world. As of the people in my townhouse, there are currently four people living here and I’m related to all of them by blood. They’re my cousins and we are around the same age. Zhuangwei is a year older than me. He has a younger brother named Ah-Jin who is only five months younger than me. And then, Xiao-ming, about two months younger than I. We chose Oakdale State University because it was far away from home, yet a little close in case any of us want to see our family. Well, more like my cousins could if they wanted to. I haven’t spent more than a weekend with my mother in about seven months since my sophomore year started.

However, I don’t want to see my mom, yet alone my father. But, here is my mother, cleaning the upstairs bathroom that Zhuangwei and I share. Ah-Jin and he cannot share a bathroom or anything at all, or it is war. Zhuangwei thinks he’s tough, hiding tattoos underneath his shirt and large upper torso. Ah-Jin is just your typical shy guy who wears a hoodie all the time in any type of weather. Xiao-ming, he’s the smart one of our little group as he always calculates the bad and the good things.

My cousins and I just got back from the local mall. It was Zhuangwei’s idea to go since we barely have been doing anything productive all week for spring break. I was surprised to see my mom here since she was supposed to come next weekend.

Hey ma,” I said to her in Chongqinghua[1] as I passed the bathroom.

She came out of the bathroom and looks kind of pissed off.

What are these?” she holds up the trash to me. Inside are about five or six used latex condoms. Those aren’t mine. Okay, maybe two are mine. The rest are Zhuangwei’s.

Those are not mine, they’re Zhuangwei’s.” I say quite deadpan.

What’s mine?” he pops his head out of his room.

These.” She pushes the trashcan towards him and shakes her head.

Oh…haha. Yeah…those are mine. Sorry Bó Mŭ[2], I like to have fun sometimes. At least I’m safe about it.” He flashes my mom a smile. She still shakes her head disapprovingly. My mom can’t keep her mouth shut regardless and I know Zhuangwei and Ah-Jin’s mom will know about Zhuangwei sleeping around. Word can spread fast in my family and I won’t be surprised if he gets a phone call from his mom soon. Like, within less than an hour.

I’m going to cook now. You better behave Dawei. And especially you.” She points specifically to Zhuangwei before heading downstairs.

“Cou zei[3], you’re so lucky I saved your ass.” Zhuangwei whispers.

“Whose ass needs saving?” Xiao-ming came out of his room. Then Ah-Jin joined in and he didn’t say a thing.

“This dude doesn’t know how lucky he is for me saving his reputation. After all, you brought home the same girl twice this week.”

“I’m not talking to her anymore.” He’s talking about Annie, this Chinese-American girl I met on campus. We hit it off really quickly and then I lost interest. This is my problem lately because I don’t want anything serious right now. Annie Wang was just a short rift in my life. She’s upset though because she knows I have money. This is what most of the girls see in me: money. It’s all about the money. Doesn’t matter whether or not they’re Asian, white, black, Latina, all they see is money. I paid for some food twice and that’s when she realized I was probably loaded. Or it had to be my car or my Yuxi cigarettes that I don’t hide really well.

I get a text message and quickly look at it and beam.

It is Irma. She’s asking to hang out at the hookah lounge tonight.

“Is it who I think it is?” Zhuangwei grinned.

“Shut up, my mom is downstairs. And yes, it is her.”

“What did the message say?” Xiao-ming asked quietly.

“She’s wondering if we all wanted to go hookah with her friends and her tonight.”

“You gonna do it man?”

Irma and I are…study buddies. Yes, we are study buddies We hang out every other week sometimes. She explains to me in Mandarin when I don’t understand something. You see, I’ve been studying English since elementary, but sometimes I can’t get a grasp of complicated conversations. So it’s nice to have a friend try to explain.

“You guys wanna go?” I ask them.

Zhuangwei smirks, “Yeah, maybe I’ll be able to pick up a lady tonight.”

“Can you once not bring home a girl? I can’t sleep thinking about my brother disrespecting a lady the way you do.” Ah-Jin snaps. Zhuangwei reacts quickly by pushing his younger brother in the chest.

“At least I know how to treat a girl right.”

Uh-oh, now I gotta get involved. When Ah-Jin and Zhuangwei fight, it’s not a pretty sight. They can go out all and destroy everything in their path.

I step between them, “Guys, stop before we get fined for any damages in this place. And my mom is downstairs, you don’t want her to tell your parents. So shut up.” They both look at me and back off. Someone has to be the leader and tell people what to do…so it pretty much is me. I don’t understand how they’re brothers because they practically hate each other.

My family situation is currently complicated. First off, my dad is currently living in Chongqing, China, which is one of the four municipals. Even though he is living in China, he still has almost complete authoritative power in my life. I can’t describe the anger I felt when he told my mom that she has to bring us to America because of my sister. My sister was only nine years old and the one-child policy was still in place. However, since we were living in the United States, my mom was lonely even though she was surrounded by in-laws. But there still was isolation with my family as my ma was considered “head-lady” of the family.

This made her want to have another child and around one of my parent’s anniversary, she got pregnant, again. Thus, my little brother who is now four years old, Dawen, was born. He was and is considered now for ruling our clan if I don’t meet the standards for rule. Oldest son of the head of the household has been the ruler of our family for generations. But, those rules will change based on whether or not I’m fit to rule…or if my prophecy comes true.

My grandparents on my dad’s side have foreseen my future and they speak of death before the age of twenty-three. The prophecy they speak of is that I will die in battle with an unknown person, fighting for the love of my life. But I don’t believe it because the details are even foggy to my grandparents. But, time nears closer to the day as they claim my life will be done.

I text Irma back and tell her that we will meet her after my mom leaves. It could take hours, so I just tell her that we will meet her in the evening. After my mom finishes cleaning and packs lunches, I convince her to leave. She looks at me funny.

Why are you wanting me to leave in such a hurry? So that you can mess up your place again?” she crosses her arms.

No ma, we have some more studying and homework to do. We just wanted to do that without distractions. I appreciate you coming up. Please drive safe.” I walk her to her car. Most Americans or foreigners hug their mom before they depart, but for us, we don’t. I was taught to love my parents and appreciate them, but old-fashioned way. No hugs goodbye, no kisses on the cheeks. Love is only expressed through actions like cooking and cleaning, not embracing and kissing.

[1] Chongqing dialect

[2] 伯母 (wife of father’s elder brother, aunt).

[3] Bro, dude, in Chongqing dialect

Chapter 1- Irma

(warnings: sex mention, sexual content, slight emotional abuse,) (also let me tag what you think needs to be tagged, thanks!)

This is the first chapter. Copy Rights go to Hu Jiajia


“So, I’ve been thinking about marriage.” Jonathan just said that one word that scares me the most as of late.

Here we were, on spring break, at Luigi’s Pizzeria enjoying a date and all the sudden he says that word.

Marriage.

I shudder a little without him noticing.

“W-what?” I stutter, but by the look on his face, my tone of voice probably had an impact on his mood. I’m so dumbfounded. Is he serious? I’m a sophomore in college and only a nineteen year old blonde German girl. I’m about to be twenty-one in May. It was spring break and the Saturday of the first week of March. This coming Monday we will go back to regular classes again. There is no way I’ve thought about marriage. Not even with Jonathan.

“I said, I’ve been thinking about our future.” He sounds pissed because probably also thinks I haven’t been listening to him.

“We haven’t even been together for a year.” I state the fact before him. We started dating in the beginning of the Fall semester. And that was just only a little over seven months ago. His parents know my parents and they thought it was a good idea for us to meet. Naturally, as I thought, I fell for him. And I did, I truly did. However, as of late he’s been showing a side I haven’t even begun to like at all. He’s been acting like the biggest asshole on this planet. Not really an asshole, but more like a manipulative jerk. He’s always needing to know where I am, who I am with. He doesn’t want me to hang out with other boys. I’ve lost a lot of friends in the last seven months than ever before. I used to be friends with so many people after my first year of college. But when my second year started and I began to date Jonathan, my friendship circle became smaller.

“Anyways, beside the point, even though football season is over and I’m still training. But that gives me more time to pay attention to you.”

“And you’re studies.”

“And my studies.” He repeats with a smirk.

We don’t say anything for the rest of the time while we eat. It was awkward and I could feel the tension in the air. We rarely fight because I’m afraid to say anything. You know when you can hear other people’s conversations more clearly during silence? This was that feeling and I wanted to escape, but instead, I just sunk back into my chair and ate my cheese pizza. Afterwards we drive back to his place near Oakdale State University. Oakdale is the university that we both attend. It’s got about a twenty-five thousand student enrollment. It’s not as big as the big league schools here in Michigan, but it’s just about average in size for me.

Marriage…why? That word has been echoing through my head and it’s starting to scare me even more. Would my mom agree to this? Would my father like it? Oh god, I don’t want to think of this. This is too much. My hands turn into fists and I begin to shake even more when I think about our conversation at Luigi’s. I think he notices me shaking before we even turn onto the street where he lives.

Jonathan pulls into a parking space, parks the car, and then gets out to open my car door. He thinks he’s a gentleman, but he surely doesn’t act like it with me. I don’t love him. I thought I did. However, there is no way for me to get out of this situation right now. So I just go along with whatever happens. Minus the marriage part. Let’s not think about that anymore, alright, Irma?

He takes my hand and leads me into his townhouse.

His roommates are not home right now. I know it because it’s quieter than normal.

Oh no. I don’t like where this is going. In the middle of the hallway, he starts to touch me and caress me…sexually. His hands wander and touch me below. I’m beginning to freeze and not move. When his mouth kisses my neck, I start shaking. I don’t want to do this today. I’m not wanting this. He stops kissing my neck and stares at me.

He’s pissed, I know it. I see it on his face, the way his eyebrows furrow and his upper lip curls a little. Jonathan’s eyes leer at me.

“Why do you keep doing this?” he snaps at me, “Every time I try to make love with you, you get like this? Why is that? Come on, tell me.” His face is red hot.

“I’m not feeling it today, okay?” I murmur.

“Get out. Get out now.” he points to the door. Before I even make it to the door he throws an empty bottle of wine near me. The glass breaks and the sound echoes in my head. I see the imperfect pieces broken in a pile about two feet from me. This is when I need to leave.

There was a point in my life where I wanted to give myself to someone and I never thought it would be Jonathan. He was gentle and slow, but after, I cried. He asked me if it hurt and I said yes, but that was half the truth. That night, I cried in the bathroom when he was sleeping. Since then, we slept together three other times and they were not enjoyable for me. This was when I started to think something was wrong with me, but I don’t know what it is.

After remembering those times while sitting in my car, I called Sophia and asked her and Lejla if I could come over. Knowing that I am always welcome, I headed that direction anyway. While I got the O.K. to go to their apartment on campus, I thought about Dawei.

Why am I thinking of him? Dawei was in my World History class last year and we managed to keep in contact with another. We clicked right away in which I thought my relationship with Jonathan was a mistake and that Dawei was supposed to be one I have to date. But, Dawei and I remained friends despite Jonathan and I are still together. How so? Secretly, of course.

However, after meeting his cousins and his interaction with them kind of put me off. It was mostly because they were speaking Chongqinghua, the dialect of Chongqing. I don’t understand their dialect. I know Mandarin Chinese fluently due to an ability I have. Dawei is just a friend, but there is something there that I can’t quite put. I trust him completely but want to keep my distance at the same time. I told him little of my family issues and listened intently when I spoke of them. He mentioned how his dad calls him once or twice a week about wanting to know what’s going on in his life. Helicopter parents galore. I’m glad I’m not the only one.

I arrive at Sophia and Lejla’s apartment on campus and they’re really excited to see me. Sophia and Lejla, they’ve been my best friends since middle school and luckily we all decided to go to Oakdale State University together. They know most of my secrets and accept me for who I am, especially when I’m in a bad mood. I’m a very direct person and will sometimes usually tell you how it is. But lately, I’ve been getting into trouble for that so I keep quiet sometimes. Hence why my relationship with Jonathan is on the rocks.

Sophia and Lejla both hug me at the same time.

“Are you okay?” Sophia questions.

“Yeah, you sounded weird on the phone.” Lejla spoke as well.

“I’m fine, I’ll talk about it later. I was thinking that we should hang out tonight at hookah. My treat.”

“You know that stuff is bad for you,” Lejla states.

“Yeah, but I know why she wants to go.” Sophia whispers.

“What’s the reason?” Lejla laughs after she whispers back.

“Irma wants to invite Dawei.” Sophia smiles.

What? I wasn’t even thinking of that. This was her idea and I’m taking it. Actually, it’s a good idea since they barely have hung out with him anyway. I want all my friends to hang out together. Hanging out at the hookah lounge downtown Oakdale City is one of the main popular places for those who can’t drink yet. Hence why I frequent there sometimes.

“No, I wasn’t even considering inviting him!” my cheeks are rosy as I snap at Sophia.

“You’re blushing!” Sophia points at me.

“No, that’s your idea and I’m stealing that! I’ll text him now to see if he’s busy.”

This sounds like a really bad idea since normally I recently have just only hung out with him at coffee shops. We try to be study buddies, but in the end sometimes end up talking a lot, or not at all. I had no idea what was in store tonight, but I’m hoping it will be fun.

“Irma, tell us, do you like him?” Sophia interrupts my texting to Dawei.

Oh no…not this again. These questions are really getting annoying lately. Of course, I do the usual and try to dodge them.

“No, we’re classmates, nothing more.”

~*~

My life is complicated. To explain my family history and my background, it would probably be a twenty page essay. Jonathan is my boyfriend and we’ve been together since the beginning of this school year. He’s a junior while I am a sophomore. His surname is Mueller and almost as German as mine. Jonathan Mueller’s father works with my father. They’re business partners. Ask me how to explain my father’s business, I won’t know how to explain. It’s nothing illegal, but I know it has to do with the auto-trade industry. Jonathan’s and my family are linked from the past. We don’t know specifically, but we do know that one of my ancestors was a German prince and ruthless. He was ruthless, but loved to party. The story goes on about how all his close family and friends were invited to his wedding. It was that night in which everyone in that castle who drank beer and wine were cursed into transforming into malicious creatures known as dragons. Everyone in that ballroom during that part of history, their ancestors have the ability to transform into dragons. One of Jonathan’s ancestors was in that room too, was a Mueller, or known in English as a Miller. How did Jonathan and I not meet beforehand? Because fate decided that before my sophomore year of college was the exact time to meet.

And yes, I have the ability to transform into a dragon at free will. Some outsiders would think it’s incredible, but it’s a curse for me. It’s a curse that I’m dealing with every day. Because of my ability of another form, I also gained the ability to speak multiple languages.

As of right now, I’m in a situation that’s hard to get out of. I’m struggling to find my words to text Dawei. I know that I shouldn’t be asking him to hangout…because if I am caught by my family or by Jonathan, I’m in trouble.

Nostalgia About China: Story #2 How One Fruit Made Me Sick for 3 days.

I went to Guizhou last year around late May. My classmates and I flew out of Hangzhou after driving for a couple hours from Ningbo.

We arrived that evening in Guiyang. Everything was fine and dandy until the night after.

The day after we arrived in Guiyang, we went to the new Confucius school that was built recently. Afterwards, we drove to a small city named Libo 荔波(?) which took about 4 hours.

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Large Confucius statue in Guiyang

Since I had no roommate while in Shanghai, I was sharing a hotel room with Lucy, one of the tour guides that came with us from Shanghai. She didn’t speak English well so we mainly tried to communicate in Chinese.

Anyways, after arriving in Libo, we had dinner. But Lucy and her nephew, David, didn’t eat with us. Just sometime after we ate dinner, Lucy came up to me with a plastic cup filled with berries. She was urging me to try one. However, I was hesitant. I ended up talking to one of my professor’s wife. She told me it is “杨梅” or known in English, “bayberry”. She said, “Try one! it’s the season for bayberry!”

https://plant.daleysfruit.com.au/trees/m/Chinese-Bayberry-2855.jpeg

(bayberry, photo from daleysfruit.com.au)

Lucy was still urging me. I was under a lot of pressure. But I thought about it for a few seconds.

The thoughts in my head were:

“Where was this from? It’s probably not washed. I have never had it before…so what will happen?”

So, I gave it a try.

Later that night after checking into the hotel, I went to spend time with David and Lucy. We walked around the city to find a place to get something to eat even though I was full. Lucy saw a voice stand. She asked me if I wanted a juice. I said sure and was about to pay but she paid for me. She asked before picking one out if I really liked the bayberry and told her I did. So I got a bayberry fruit drink.

Who would’ve thought that night I would be up all night, sick, having everything coming out of both ends (sorry for TMI).

That entire night I was thinking, “What the hell is going on? Why did this happen? I hope it’s just a one time deal.”

But when we had to wake up around 8:00 that morning to go on an adventure to this beautiful mountain reserve, I knew it wasn’t going to miss that at all.

I was running in and out of the bathroom for about 20 minutes before Lucy saw that something was wrong.

She grabbed one of my professors and told him something is wrong with me.

When I was finishing up getting ready I heard a knock on the door.

“Hey, Jiajia, it’s me.” I let him in. Whatever look on my face told him I was sick.

“Hey, you doing okay?” he asks.

“No,” I say meekly.

“You sick?”

I nod my head.

“You got diarrhea?”

“Yeah…” I say meekly again.

“Alright! I’ll go get medicine for you.”

He bought this medicine for me an it was these yellow pills and he told me to take 3 or 4 of them every 5-6 hours. I’m like, “alright. I’ll try it.” Chinese medicine…it actually works.

So, after taking the medicine, he outs me and says to my classmates, “If you get diarrhea, Jiajia has medicine!” Oh god, why me.

I was so sick. How did I even make it up this mountain reserve? I’m not sure. But it was BEAUTIFUL.

The far right corner picture is me with one of my professors (not the one who got me the medicine.) You can tell how sick I am because I’m so pale.

I couldn’t let go of how beautiful it was and managed to feel better later on in the afternoon. Throughout the day I only drank bottled water, ate hard-boiled eggs, and steamed bread (包子 baozi).

(In Xiao Qi Kong, Little Seven Arches, I couldn’t help but pose at these beautiful spots despite being sick.) (My favorite photo is with one of my professors and his wife, because it is one of his first selfies.)

Later that day after feeling a lot better, we were on our way back to the hotel. I was ready to eat better food! We ate a restaurant across the street. The food was good, I remember it being spicy. However, that night I was sick, again. Same symptoms…

The next morning we went to a Miao village. It was a 4 hour bus ride to the village. Oh man, I was just wanting to rest, but I did not want to miss out again. After checking into the hotel, we set out upon the village. So I pushed myself to go. We walked and took a tourist bus up to the top of the village.

(the Miao village in Guizhou)

It was a beautiful day. I remember it to the fullest extent. I was drinking water with this Vitamin C supplement that my professor’s wife gave me. But when we were at the top taking pictures, I was beginning to feel so sick.

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(I like to show off my back tattoos, especially the Chinese one I got in Shanghai, Miao Village, May 2016)

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You can tell I was sick based on how pale I was and how much weight I lost when I was in China. When I went to Xi’an a few weeks later, I weighed myself. I found out I weighed 133 pounds. I weigh regularly 143-145. So I lost a total of 10 pounds after my trip.

I remember getting dizzy, trying to stand up straight but I couldn’t. So I decided to go back down hill and rest. One of my classmates followed me. But I couldn’t hold it in. I was beginning to throw up orange water (the water was orange from the Vitamin C supplement).

“Jiajia, are you okay?” I was spitting the water out in the bushes.

“No, I need to go sleep back at the hotel.” So we waited downhill for my professors and the rest of my classmates.

After they came back down, one of my professors bought me some bread. It was kind of sweet, but like American bread.

That late afternoon, I went to sleep. I slept for a few hours and later was woken up by the professor who had his wife with him.

“We brought you some baozi and hard boiled eggs. Hope you feel better in the morning!”

I slept well that night, woke up a little early and went to explore some. I missed out on good food and fun, but I needed my rest.

My life lesson that I learned: Don’t eat bayberry that isn’t clean. My professor who bought me the medicine told me that if you wash it with salt water, it will get rid of the bad stuff. Or if you put it in baijiu and let it sit, then you can eat it later.

Lastly, after we got back to Shanghai, my mood was better and I begun feeling a lot better.

For my next post I’ll write about Chongqing. 🙂

Nostaliga About China: Story #1 The Morning After I Arrived To Shanghai

I am not the best blogger but I thought I should share some stories from my favorite moments when I was in China this past summer. The first story I want to share is the day after I arrived.

The day was May 1st  2016, it was as early as 5:30 in the morning. Jet lag had made me not sleep so well so I decided to explore around 6:00. Just before exploring, I called my family and told them that I was awake and couldn’t rest.

But, I told them I would call them back after I returned to my dorm since the Wifi wasn’t accessible to me outside my dorm room. (Also because my phone was unlocked.)

So, I got dressed and decided to explore the campus of East China Normal University. 6:00 am, there were people already starting their day. There were elderly people doing tai chi in the tennis courts near my dorm. I was walking on road that had the tennis courts, basketball courts, a running track, and their convenient stores. Every so often they have motivational banners hanging with quotes written by ECNU professors or students.img_5722

(one of my favorite banners as I felt like I connected with it really well.)

As I continued my walk, I ended up in the middle of campus and came across the Mao Zedong statue that I thought I saw when we arrived late at night. img_5723

(in which I was right, and later this spot would be a meeting place for my classmates and I.)

I decided I needed to get creative and so I took a selfie with Mao. Which I don’t know how many people have done, but honestly, this is one of my favorite pictures below.

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(it actually happened haha)

I continued my walk…uh…I can’t remember the direction. North? I don’t remember to be honest as I don’t have the ECNU map on me right now. Yeah, let’s say North. I discovered the beauty of the campus with all the trees and water around. I explored around this area for a while and took a few more photos. Later I was told by some ECNU students that this was considered one of the most beautiful campuses in Shanghai because of the creek running through it.

 

Moving on, I continued my walk outside and ended up out at the main gate/ entrance to the university. Still early and not a lot of people outside, but more than I thought. The 热闹 (re nao, business), wasn’t here yet, but I knew I could feel some of it.)

( Photos consist of outside the main gate of ECNU, a Ningbo Bank, and Global Harbor, a mall that is walking distance from ECNU)

After my walk I managed to find my way back to campus and tried to go back to bed, but I was too excited so I called my family again and some of my friends.
But I knew, I knew from that morning that I really fell in love with China. I fell in love with China before even going, but that morning on May 1st 2016 at around 6:30 am, I really fell in love and knew it was going to be hard to go home.

Where To Start, How To Start, and Where to End?

It’s past 1:00 am while I am typing this. Lately I haven’t been up to date with what’s going on with my life. It’s either WordPress had bored me…or I have no reason to share my feelings about my life anymore. Because I’ve locked away my feelings too far inside my heart.

To be completely honest my life is OK and it’s not as terrible as one would think. If I was who I was several years ago instead of who I am today, I probably in all honesty, be severely even more depressed and in the hospital for attempting suicide.

My life is OK. It’s not perfect. It’s not great. There are some things that need to help me better myself and help with my happiness. And that’s for me to get the heck out of dodge.

In other words…I can’t survive being home any longer than I have been. I can’t survive living with my parents anymore.

Strangers, if any, reading my posts here. You barely know my story unless you’ve read previous posts. I’m currently as of this date, a 23 year old autistic woman who identifies as demisexual and biromantic. I’m not straight. I find both men and women attractive, regardless of race, etc.I’m not sexually attracted to either genders, but romantically. And I’m in love with my platonic life partner. Yet they have no idea because my problem of being autistic and lack of communication. I’m terrified to tell them. I’m terrified to tell them that I love them even though I KNOW for a sure fact that they feel the same way. But we are not together. We won’t identify as a couple in probably…years. Years until we’ve both found our places where we belong in this world. I belong to the Earth. I belong to see this world’s beauty as much as I can before Creator decides it’s my time. My platonic life partner probably won’t go as far as they want to. And with all my heart and soul, wish I could bring them with me.

If my parents knew about me not identifying as so-called “straight”, they’ll have disappointment. They’ll tell me, “We didn’t raise you this way. You’re gay? You like girls? In the Bible…yada yada.” To me, love is love. What is wrong with loving another woman? I always have found more comfort in the arms of my best friends, and even in the arms of my platonic life partner than I have with men. There are only a few men in my life that I have felt safe around that are not blood related.

My parents will be disappointed when they find out I don’t care if I don’t get married or have children. In fact, the entire idea of birthing children freaks me out. Adoption seems the best option and first option. The second would to pay someone to surrogate for me. I don’t like the idea of having a child…end of story on that.

But lastly…to end this post. I’ve learned that despite all the things I’m grateful for…I’m still scared to be me. What can I do?

I’m ready to return to China for graduate school. I’m ready to run away from this place for two years.

 

I Didn’t Abandon My WordPress, Life Got Busy. (Some Updates)

Since I got back from China I’ve been super busy. Some points on how busy from June until now.

  • Started work again
  • Went back to school
  • Was a bridesmaid in one wedding, a maid of honor in another
  • got into a car accident
  • accident resulted of a pneumothroax (collapsed lung) and a fractured rib on my left side.
  • missed three weeks of school.
  • back at school and trying to get back into the swing of things

 

So, anyways, long story short life got busy. But now, I’m feeling like crap because of my accident and totally unmotivated. Also,. lastly, I’m re-writing my novel…so hopefully that can be a positive.

 

P.S. I’ll write more later.

 

I’ve Been Back For A While

I’ve arrived back stateside on June 15th.

Life is back to the same old routine and nothing has really even changed at home even though I’m now a changed person.

China changed me and my time there had made me into a stronger person by now not really caring what people think of me.

To me, that’s an immense change of personality as now I know the “not caring” attitude will get me into trouble.

And to those who thought I’d find a boyfriend in China, that never happened. Because I didn’t let it happen.

The dating scene for me currently is non-existent as I don’t want to bother. I’m happy with life the way it is.

Happy 4th of July!