So, it’s official. Next week I am coming back to the US for 13 days. I kind of regret it because of school, but honestly it is the cheapest time to get tickets.
I’m excited to go home.
I’m excited to get out of Shanghai.
Shanghai is still heaven and hell to me. I love and hate it here.
Just when I think someone wants to be with me, they don’t even want to try. They can’t even change their life around and make me a priority. I’m so sick of it! I’m sick of being someone’s last resort. I’m sick of being used for attention and not getting anything in return.
Never once had I received a gift. Never have I ever gotten flowers. Or even chocolates. Or even a message saying, “Oh I saw this and thought of you.” No one has ever done those things for me. No one has ever made enough time for me. I would drop anything for anyone. I’m not needy or pushy, I just want to spend time with someone that chose to be with me.
What is wrong with me? Is it me or is it the people I choose?
Anyways, I rarely have time to date as I MUST try to focus on my thesis.
I learned my lesson from my first ex by not getting emotionally attached to others. If I detach myself emotionally, then a future breakup will be less painful.
It’s less painful but I am so empty because I am so tired of the same results.
Shanghai is temporary for a lot of people, unless you’re a local. She wasn’t a local.
We don’t talk anymore and she only wished me happy birthday a day early. And that was it.
Oh well. Time to just focus on me again.