(warnings: sex mention, sexual content, slight emotional abuse,) (also let me tag what you think needs to be tagged, thanks!)
This is the first chapter. Copy Rights go to Hu Jiajia
“So, I’ve been thinking about marriage.” Jonathan just said that one word that scares me the most as of late.
Here we were, on spring break, at Luigi’s Pizzeria enjoying a date and all the sudden he says that word.
I shudder a little without him noticing.
“W-what?” I stutter, but by the look on his face, my tone of voice probably had an impact on his mood. I’m so dumbfounded. Is he serious? I’m a sophomore in college and only a nineteen year old blonde German girl. I’m about to be twenty-one in May. It was spring break and the Saturday of the first week of March. This coming Monday we will go back to regular classes again. There is no way I’ve thought about marriage. Not even with Jonathan.
“I said, I’ve been thinking about our future.” He sounds pissed because probably also thinks I haven’t been listening to him.
“We haven’t even been together for a year.” I state the fact before him. We started dating in the beginning of the Fall semester. And that was just only a little over seven months ago. His parents know my parents and they thought it was a good idea for us to meet. Naturally, as I thought, I fell for him. And I did, I truly did. However, as of late he’s been showing a side I haven’t even begun to like at all. He’s been acting like the biggest asshole on this planet. Not really an asshole, but more like a manipulative jerk. He’s always needing to know where I am, who I am with. He doesn’t want me to hang out with other boys. I’ve lost a lot of friends in the last seven months than ever before. I used to be friends with so many people after my first year of college. But when my second year started and I began to date Jonathan, my friendship circle became smaller.
“Anyways, beside the point, even though football season is over and I’m still training. But that gives me more time to pay attention to you.”
“And you’re studies.”
“And my studies.” He repeats with a smirk.
We don’t say anything for the rest of the time while we eat. It was awkward and I could feel the tension in the air. We rarely fight because I’m afraid to say anything. You know when you can hear other people’s conversations more clearly during silence? This was that feeling and I wanted to escape, but instead, I just sunk back into my chair and ate my cheese pizza. Afterwards we drive back to his place near Oakdale State University. Oakdale is the university that we both attend. It’s got about a twenty-five thousand student enrollment. It’s not as big as the big league schools here in Michigan, but it’s just about average in size for me.
Marriage…why? That word has been echoing through my head and it’s starting to scare me even more. Would my mom agree to this? Would my father like it? Oh god, I don’t want to think of this. This is too much. My hands turn into fists and I begin to shake even more when I think about our conversation at Luigi’s. I think he notices me shaking before we even turn onto the street where he lives.
Jonathan pulls into a parking space, parks the car, and then gets out to open my car door. He thinks he’s a gentleman, but he surely doesn’t act like it with me. I don’t love him. I thought I did. However, there is no way for me to get out of this situation right now. So I just go along with whatever happens. Minus the marriage part. Let’s not think about that anymore, alright, Irma?
He takes my hand and leads me into his townhouse.
His roommates are not home right now. I know it because it’s quieter than normal.
Oh no. I don’t like where this is going. In the middle of the hallway, he starts to touch me and caress me…sexually. His hands wander and touch me below. I’m beginning to freeze and not move. When his mouth kisses my neck, I start shaking. I don’t want to do this today. I’m not wanting this. He stops kissing my neck and stares at me.
He’s pissed, I know it. I see it on his face, the way his eyebrows furrow and his upper lip curls a little. Jonathan’s eyes leer at me.
“Why do you keep doing this?” he snaps at me, “Every time I try to make love with you, you get like this? Why is that? Come on, tell me.” His face is red hot.
“I’m not feeling it today, okay?” I murmur.
“Get out. Get out now.” he points to the door. Before I even make it to the door he throws an empty bottle of wine near me. The glass breaks and the sound echoes in my head. I see the imperfect pieces broken in a pile about two feet from me. This is when I need to leave.
There was a point in my life where I wanted to give myself to someone and I never thought it would be Jonathan. He was gentle and slow, but after, I cried. He asked me if it hurt and I said yes, but that was half the truth. That night, I cried in the bathroom when he was sleeping. Since then, we slept together three other times and they were not enjoyable for me. This was when I started to think something was wrong with me, but I don’t know what it is.
After remembering those times while sitting in my car, I called Sophia and asked her and Lejla if I could come over. Knowing that I am always welcome, I headed that direction anyway. While I got the O.K. to go to their apartment on campus, I thought about Dawei.
Why am I thinking of him? Dawei was in my World History class last year and we managed to keep in contact with another. We clicked right away in which I thought my relationship with Jonathan was a mistake and that Dawei was supposed to be one I have to date. But, Dawei and I remained friends despite Jonathan and I are still together. How so? Secretly, of course.
However, after meeting his cousins and his interaction with them kind of put me off. It was mostly because they were speaking Chongqinghua, the dialect of Chongqing. I don’t understand their dialect. I know Mandarin Chinese fluently due to an ability I have. Dawei is just a friend, but there is something there that I can’t quite put. I trust him completely but want to keep my distance at the same time. I told him little of my family issues and listened intently when I spoke of them. He mentioned how his dad calls him once or twice a week about wanting to know what’s going on in his life. Helicopter parents galore. I’m glad I’m not the only one.
I arrive at Sophia and Lejla’s apartment on campus and they’re really excited to see me. Sophia and Lejla, they’ve been my best friends since middle school and luckily we all decided to go to Oakdale State University together. They know most of my secrets and accept me for who I am, especially when I’m in a bad mood. I’m a very direct person and will sometimes usually tell you how it is. But lately, I’ve been getting into trouble for that so I keep quiet sometimes. Hence why my relationship with Jonathan is on the rocks.
Sophia and Lejla both hug me at the same time.
“Are you okay?” Sophia questions.
“Yeah, you sounded weird on the phone.” Lejla spoke as well.
“I’m fine, I’ll talk about it later. I was thinking that we should hang out tonight at hookah. My treat.”
“You know that stuff is bad for you,” Lejla states.
“Yeah, but I know why she wants to go.” Sophia whispers.
“What’s the reason?” Lejla laughs after she whispers back.
“Irma wants to invite Dawei.” Sophia smiles.
What? I wasn’t even thinking of that. This was her idea and I’m taking it. Actually, it’s a good idea since they barely have hung out with him anyway. I want all my friends to hang out together. Hanging out at the hookah lounge downtown Oakdale City is one of the main popular places for those who can’t drink yet. Hence why I frequent there sometimes.
“No, I wasn’t even considering inviting him!” my cheeks are rosy as I snap at Sophia.
“You’re blushing!” Sophia points at me.
“No, that’s your idea and I’m stealing that! I’ll text him now to see if he’s busy.”
This sounds like a really bad idea since normally I recently have just only hung out with him at coffee shops. We try to be study buddies, but in the end sometimes end up talking a lot, or not at all. I had no idea what was in store tonight, but I’m hoping it will be fun.
“Irma, tell us, do you like him?” Sophia interrupts my texting to Dawei.
Oh no…not this again. These questions are really getting annoying lately. Of course, I do the usual and try to dodge them.
“No, we’re classmates, nothing more.”
My life is complicated. To explain my family history and my background, it would probably be a twenty page essay. Jonathan is my boyfriend and we’ve been together since the beginning of this school year. He’s a junior while I am a sophomore. His surname is Mueller and almost as German as mine. Jonathan Mueller’s father works with my father. They’re business partners. Ask me how to explain my father’s business, I won’t know how to explain. It’s nothing illegal, but I know it has to do with the auto-trade industry. Jonathan’s and my family are linked from the past. We don’t know specifically, but we do know that one of my ancestors was a German prince and ruthless. He was ruthless, but loved to party. The story goes on about how all his close family and friends were invited to his wedding. It was that night in which everyone in that castle who drank beer and wine were cursed into transforming into malicious creatures known as dragons. Everyone in that ballroom during that part of history, their ancestors have the ability to transform into dragons. One of Jonathan’s ancestors was in that room too, was a Mueller, or known in English as a Miller. How did Jonathan and I not meet beforehand? Because fate decided that before my sophomore year of college was the exact time to meet.
And yes, I have the ability to transform into a dragon at free will. Some outsiders would think it’s incredible, but it’s a curse for me. It’s a curse that I’m dealing with every day. Because of my ability of another form, I also gained the ability to speak multiple languages.
As of right now, I’m in a situation that’s hard to get out of. I’m struggling to find my words to text Dawei. I know that I shouldn’t be asking him to hangout…because if I am caught by my family or by Jonathan, I’m in trouble.